The Addiction was Postponing the Inevitable

 

 

Whether we have a food, alcohol, or drug addiction, we tend to believe the illusion of the disease.  It can be quite confusing, but when we see our addiction for what it really is, we begin to understand why the deep-rooted destructive habits of ours got us into a lot of unnecessary painful and hurtful situations.  It's as if we imagined that this way of life was going to give us the necessary postponement of time not to change the way we are, but to "justify" our way of life as a means of coping and getting through life.

We are so grateful for having the chance to clean up our act, and made the decision to change our addictive behavior into a constructive and productive behavior that we will benefit from all the way around.  It's a win-win situation, and even though it's unknown territory, we're looking forward to changing our belief system, our attitudes and feelings about life and those who surround us in our lives.

We begin day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year.  We're climbing to greater heights of self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-love.  We are our own best friend.  We love ourselves enough to treat ourselves with kindness and compassion, and no matter what outer influences are out there to deter us from our loving soul, we will surpass this with courage, humility, and strength.

The hardest part of leaving our old comfortable mundane lives, is the fear of never being able to turn to our harmful addictions anymore.  The comfort we thought it gave us was just an illusion of happiness.  It was just an illusion of enjoyment, and it was just an illusion of life.

This journey brings sheer joy and freedom to our beings, but also lessons of discipline and a new-found faith and confidence that we can live a good, healthy, and wonderful life with reality and honesty becoming the answer that we often question ourselves with when making a decision to keep ourselves safe from harm.

We're finding our way out of the darkness, climbing out of the depths of despair and hopelessness, to a new and improved outlook that we will hold near and dear to our hearts.  A new light has been ignited within us, and as our light shines upon ourselves and others, the radiance and peace that comes upon us is completeness.

Linda Hegedus, ©

 

In My Mother's Arms

 

A love that has no measure,

Shelter from the harms.

I could live forever

In my mother’s arms.

 

Always understanding

Sharing all of her charms

I know my safe haven

It’s in my mother’s arms.

 

If I could say what she means to me

It would take a thousand years

She showed me all that I can be through laughter, love, and tears.

 

And eternally grateful I will be for the life and memories she’s given me I will forever be

In my mother’s arms.

 

Love you Mom,
 

Elaine

 

 

Setting Boundaries

 

Boundaries were never in my vocabulary.  The physical boundaries were always present by having my shield covering myself in a false sense of security in order to deal with others.  Once my shield disappeared, I began to feel "naked and revealed" for the first time.  It was time to get out of my comfort zone, and move forward into a new place.

As a morbidly obese person, I didn't express my feelings quite often, but instead kept them to myself, where they manifested inside my body and produced self-destructive behaviors.  Such as trance eating, binging, and self-soothing by self-medicating myself in order to feel good in the moment.  The moments began to become more frequent and it took more eating to satisfy my addiction.

Now I'm a thin person that walks the walk and talks the talk.  I am much more approachable, and not afraid to open up to others about how I feel.  There's no more hiding and keeping people at a distance.  I feel completely free and comfortable in my body and realize that it's okay to be open and honest.  These behaviors were under lock and key for so long, it's liberating to set new boundaries that for so long I set on myself to the point I was paralyzed with fear.

There was never anything to fear. In the place of acceptance, not only to myself, but also of others, is a peaceful and soul-satisfying place to be.  It's okay to be who you are, and move forward onto your self-improvement journey.  Quotes are very helpful when you need reflection and peace.  Quotes can give you comfort, inspiration, and motivation on your path, and the wisdom to continue on the path less traveled.

A new world awaits you and it's time to get on board!  The day is here and the time is now!  Go live your life and enjoy the journey!  Take your joy, confidence, and strength with you as your boundaries take on a new meaning.  Live! Enjoy! Love!

Be Well,

 

 

Linda Hegedus ©

With Every Challenge We Become the Person We're Meant to Be

Each day as I live in my new body, I must be held accountable for my actions towards food.  I have to continue to be mindful of my food choices and ask myself three questions: Is this food beneficial?  Does it contain sufficient protein?  Am I really hungry, or just want to eat?

When my journey began, I was losing at a rapid rate due to a high protein, complex carb, and exercise routine.  Now my goal weight has taken me to a stabilizing place, where I must remain in a maintain mode in order to not fall into old ways of thinking and being too much in a comfort zone that I'm not aware of the choices I have to make regarding my food intake.

I have to take in at least 1200 calories per day to maintain.  Every item of food that I choose to eat on that given day will have to be a wise choice, in order not to begin to gain weight like we're told that people fall into that trap.  I cannot imagine nor want to ever experience that feeling of a ball and chain weighing me down.  Taking those 200 additional pounds wherever I go and expecting to have a happy and productive life.

I get preoccupied with weighing myself in the a.m. and also in the p.m.  As a morbidly obese person, I avoided the scale at all costs, and never ever dared myself to step on it and have a reality check on my size.  Instead it was easier to avoid that part of my life, and not pay too much attention to the number that was escalating before my eyes.  Now I want to be held accountable for my weight and in order to stay in check, and know that I'm still abiding by the "bariatric eating" rules, I monitor very closely the scale and make note if there's any adjustment in my daily food intake I need to re-evaluate.

This is by far the biggest mountain to climb in my personal weight-loss journey because I've never learned how to remain in a much thinner body for too long.  I feel a bit uncertain, but confident that if I keep my judgment clear on my choices, and remain mindful on my daily habits, I will remain on this journey as a person who can stay on the path that is non-destructive to my well-being.

I know not every day I will make the right choice, but I will be determined and forgive myself if I decide to have a food that's not very beneficial, I will make up for those calories through an intense workout.  I have decided to choose a day in the week, where I can have a dessert.  But only one day.  The funny thing is that I cannot finish a small bowl of chili and beans with some cheese.  When I was served a dessert, I only took a few bites and I was satisfied.  I'm not indulging like I used to so that's progress.

Every day I'm having a better understanding about myself and taking my steps slowly towards a long-term way of life.

Linda Hegedus, ©

What I've Learned On This Journey So Far

I've learned so much in such a short period of time........

   

I’ve learned to take baby steps and not to be disappointed if my progress is slow.

I’ve learned that my relationships have changed with those who are the closest to me in my life.

I’ve learned that I can accomplish goals and pursue my dreams.

I’ve learned that my life is what I make of it, and not what others think my life should be.

I’ve learned that not everyone is going to support my success, and I will have to be my own best friend.

I’ve learned that my body will let me know when I’ve had enough to eat or drink.

I’ve learned that being thin doesn’t eliminate life’s challenges I must face.

I’ve learned that comfort foods no longer serve me well, but almost destroyed my life.

I’ve learned to focus on the positive in my life and try to eliminate any negative feelings I may have inside.

I’ve learned that opportunities are plentiful with my new appearance and attitude.  Doors that were once closed have cracked opened for me.

I’ve learned to respect my body and take better care of myself.

I’ve learned that this journey is a life-long  journey.

I’ve learned to trust myself and my food choices.

I’ve learned to say no to trigger foods that others want me in indulge in.

I’ve learned that I have to be forgiving and patient with myself.

I’ve learned to be grateful for the second chance I was given to change my life.

I’ve learned that I don’t need approval from anyone but myself.

I’ve learned I can do so much more physically with the excessive amount of weight I’ve lost.

I’ve learned that life is precious.

I’ve learned to be held accountable for my decisions regarding food.

I’ve learned to be kinder to myself and not beat myself up if I make the wrong food choice that day.

I’ve learned to express my feelings openly.

I’ve learned that fear held me back, and there’s nothing to fear.

I’ve learned that meditation relaxes the mind, body, and spirit.

I’ve learned that I’m a sexual being.

I’ve learned that I made this change for a healthier and happier existence.

I’ve learned that anger weakens my body.

I’ve learned that depression is temporary.

I’ve learned that food is vital for survival, but not an all-consuming factor in my life.

I’ve learned to be tolerant of ignorant people, who don’t understand me.

I’ve learned to give more of myself to others.

I’ve learned to create healthy boundaries for myself.

I’ve learned to adapt to my new lifestyle and accept this as a life-long commitment.

I’ve learned that there’s more to life than existing, but living your life is key.

I’ve learned I’m a much more approachable person now than I was before.

I’ve learned to feel vulnerable and not fear the outcome.

I’ve learned to feel again, and not suppress my feelings.

I’ve learned to walk the walk and talk the talk.

I’ve learned to seize the day for tomorrow may never come.

I’ve learned to cherish people in my life, who’ve been loving, caring, and kind to me.

I’ve learned to be compassionate with others fighting their own personal battles.

I’ve learned that I will continue to learn something new every day as my awareness has become keen with time.

Linda Hegedus, ©