With Every Challenge We Become the Person We're Meant to Be

Each day as I live in my new body, I must be held accountable for my actions towards food.  I have to continue to be mindful of my food choices and ask myself three questions: Is this food beneficial?  Does it contain sufficient protein?  Am I really hungry, or just want to eat?

When my journey began, I was losing at a rapid rate due to a high protein, complex carb, and exercise routine.  Now my goal weight has taken me to a stabilizing place, where I must remain in a maintain mode in order to not fall into old ways of thinking and being too much in a comfort zone that I'm not aware of the choices I have to make regarding my food intake.

I have to take in at least 1200 calories per day to maintain.  Every item of food that I choose to eat on that given day will have to be a wise choice, in order not to begin to gain weight like we're told that people fall into that trap.  I cannot imagine nor want to ever experience that feeling of a ball and chain weighing me down.  Taking those 200 additional pounds wherever I go and expecting to have a happy and productive life.

I get preoccupied with weighing myself in the a.m. and also in the p.m.  As a morbidly obese person, I avoided the scale at all costs, and never ever dared myself to step on it and have a reality check on my size.  Instead it was easier to avoid that part of my life, and not pay too much attention to the number that was escalating before my eyes.  Now I want to be held accountable for my weight and in order to stay in check, and know that I'm still abiding by the "bariatric eating" rules, I monitor very closely the scale and make note if there's any adjustment in my daily food intake I need to re-evaluate.

This is by far the biggest mountain to climb in my personal weight-loss journey because I've never learned how to remain in a much thinner body for too long.  I feel a bit uncertain, but confident that if I keep my judgment clear on my choices, and remain mindful on my daily habits, I will remain on this journey as a person who can stay on the path that is non-destructive to my well-being.

I know not every day I will make the right choice, but I will be determined and forgive myself if I decide to have a food that's not very beneficial, I will make up for those calories through an intense workout.  I have decided to choose a day in the week, where I can have a dessert.  But only one day.  The funny thing is that I cannot finish a small bowl of chili and beans with some cheese.  When I was served a dessert, I only took a few bites and I was satisfied.  I'm not indulging like I used to so that's progress.

Every day I'm having a better understanding about myself and taking my steps slowly towards a long-term way of life.

Linda Hegedus, ©

What I've Learned On This Journey So Far

I've learned so much in such a short period of time........

   

I’ve learned to take baby steps and not to be disappointed if my progress is slow.

I’ve learned that my relationships have changed with those who are the closest to me in my life.

I’ve learned that I can accomplish goals and pursue my dreams.

I’ve learned that my life is what I make of it, and not what others think my life should be.

I’ve learned that not everyone is going to support my success, and I will have to be my own best friend.

I’ve learned that my body will let me know when I’ve had enough to eat or drink.

I’ve learned that being thin doesn’t eliminate life’s challenges I must face.

I’ve learned that comfort foods no longer serve me well, but almost destroyed my life.

I’ve learned to focus on the positive in my life and try to eliminate any negative feelings I may have inside.

I’ve learned that opportunities are plentiful with my new appearance and attitude.  Doors that were once closed have cracked opened for me.

I’ve learned to respect my body and take better care of myself.

I’ve learned that this journey is a life-long  journey.

I’ve learned to trust myself and my food choices.

I’ve learned to say no to trigger foods that others want me in indulge in.

I’ve learned that I have to be forgiving and patient with myself.

I’ve learned to be grateful for the second chance I was given to change my life.

I’ve learned that I don’t need approval from anyone but myself.

I’ve learned I can do so much more physically with the excessive amount of weight I’ve lost.

I’ve learned that life is precious.

I’ve learned to be held accountable for my decisions regarding food.

I’ve learned to be kinder to myself and not beat myself up if I make the wrong food choice that day.

I’ve learned to express my feelings openly.

I’ve learned that fear held me back, and there’s nothing to fear.

I’ve learned that meditation relaxes the mind, body, and spirit.

I’ve learned that I’m a sexual being.

I’ve learned that I made this change for a healthier and happier existence.

I’ve learned that anger weakens my body.

I’ve learned that depression is temporary.

I’ve learned that food is vital for survival, but not an all-consuming factor in my life.

I’ve learned to be tolerant of ignorant people, who don’t understand me.

I’ve learned to give more of myself to others.

I’ve learned to create healthy boundaries for myself.

I’ve learned to adapt to my new lifestyle and accept this as a life-long commitment.

I’ve learned that there’s more to life than existing, but living your life is key.

I’ve learned I’m a much more approachable person now than I was before.

I’ve learned to feel vulnerable and not fear the outcome.

I’ve learned to feel again, and not suppress my feelings.

I’ve learned to walk the walk and talk the talk.

I’ve learned to seize the day for tomorrow may never come.

I’ve learned to cherish people in my life, who’ve been loving, caring, and kind to me.

I’ve learned to be compassionate with others fighting their own personal battles.

I’ve learned that I will continue to learn something new every day as my awareness has become keen with time.

Linda Hegedus, ©

 

 

 

 

Never Give Up

I met with a friend of mine, who had weight-loss surgery eight years' ago, and had gained all of their weight back just to become larger than they've ever been before.  I had advised my friend to find out about having a revised surgical procedure done.  They had taken heed to my advice since they've seen how far I've come, and had another weight-loss procedure performed.

Six months had gone by and they were doing great!  They had lost 100 lbs. and went down quite a few sizes as well.  I had mentioned to them how wonderful they looked, and a broad smile would come across their face filled with pride and joy.  I  was so happy for them for taking control of their weight and staying true to their journey.  After their eighth month on the journey, a mutual friend came by to see me and told me that our friend was losing hope and had become discouraged.  He had asked me to check up on our friend, for he feared our friend was beginning to gain weight once again.

I thought to myself why???? They have come this far, why are they setting themselves up to fail again?  Every chance I had to interact with them, I would ask how are you feeling?  What are you eating and drinking?  In the beginning of their journey, they had been extremely strict to the point of starvation.  They were eating only jello and tuna fish.  My belief is that they went to the other extreme, and when their hunger began to creep up on them, so began the cycle of "insanity".   The old patterns and attitudes were brought to the surface once again.  I've tried to contact my friend, and reach out to them before it's too late.  Once is a mistake, but twice is a habit.

The lessons were not learned the first time, and unfortunately being repeated for a second time.  They will not have another chance if they don't wake up.  I'm very concerned for their health and well-being.  They are too young to have a life filled with no hope, no future, no life.  I realize that I cannot save them, they can only save themselves.   I feel helpless to just sit back and watch this person destroy what they worked so hard to become up to this point.

Perhaps they have reached a plateau and feel it's not working.  I remember during the first quarter of my journey, the weight was coming off at a rapid rate.  The joy and anticipation of standing on the scale and seeing the numbers keep moving downward, was absolutely a natural high to feel!  Then about the same time at approximately eight months, the scale didn't budge....I was puzzled?  Why haven't I've lost more weight?  Was I taking in enough protein to meet my daily requirement?  Hydrating...did I hydrate enough to flush the excess fluids out of my body?  Did I need to rev up my exercise routine and make it more challenging?

One week passed by and still the scale wouldn't budge.  The second week passed by, and there still was no change on the scale.  By the third week, the scale began to move once again, but slower than it had in the past.  At least it was beginning to move in the downward direction again.  I pushed myself harder with my workout routine, focused on my caloric and protein intake to the exact number, and hydrated more than I had been just to trick my body and get it functioning again as a fat-burning machine!  If I had given up during that period, I would have never reached my goal, which was clear in sight.  I made sure I would follow-through for once in my life to finish what I've started.

The moral of this story is to NEVER GIVE UP!  Yesterday is gone and we've learned from our mistakes, tomorrow gives us another chance to begin once again, and today we can reach our personal goal that we set out to do.  I am going to contact my friend and share my experience with them as I just did with all of you.

May your journey remain a successful path that gives you the best quality of life that you truly deserve!

Linda Hegedus,©

The Power of One

 

 

 

As we reflect upon the memorable moments during our weight-loss journey, we realize that each day has given us an opportunity to learn.  Perhaps one new encounter along the way is put in our life's path, here to teach us more than we could ever have anticipated.  Is it the one new lecture we've attended to educate us further so we remain on the right path?

One is a small number with a strong meaning.  One person made a major impact in my life.  As a result, it has created a major shift in my perspective, and changed the way I will think forever.  One day I'll be healthy and fit.  One day I'll succeed in a career that I'm passionate about.  One day at a time will take care of itself.  One kind word made all of the difference.  One sincere and warm smile gave me hope and happiness.  One word of encouragement gave me the confidence to feel I can do anything I set my mind to and more!  A moment in time, the day of significance.

As we achieve our dreams and aspirations, we evolve to a higher awareness.  We are whole, we are one!

Linda Hegedus, ©

Feeding Time Have We Moved On?

Good question.  Have we finally become disconnected with the feeling of feeding on our emotions; since we’ve changed our lifestyle?  Have we finally taken this journey onward, or have we reverted back to seek out comfort destructively?  How do we channel this energy into a productive and inspirational experience?  When do we finally decide to be open to on-going changes and accept what we cannot change, but learn to adapt to change with a different perspective?

It’s our human survival that motivates us to become open to our potential; our reconnection with our soul.  In essence, our need to feel expansion and elevation of our personal spiritual path. We may have strayed away from a force that we cannot explain, and don’t quite understand, but something keeps tugging at our deepest core, and we reconnect by getting in touch with that aspect of ourselves.  We feel peace and a sense of calm.

Eating is no longer a past-time event.  Its meaning in our lives’ has a  different vibe.  Now that we’ve embraced our spirit, we feel a different level of love.  We’re calm and accepting of our true feelings that we denied ourselves to feel.  We didn’t want to feel.  Feeling was a great risk to us.  The pain was too immense to accept.  We had a belief system that feelings and pain went hand and hand.  There’s no getting away from that unless we kept our feelings concealed and locked away within our body.

It was our personal “safe” to insulate the cold cruel realities from cutting into our hearts.  The larger we became, the more we felt protected from the outer world.  It was a safe haven, our shelter, our own reality.  We created this world in order to avoid pain.  The only pain that was inflicted was self-inflicted.  No one made us commit this act, but us.  We are accountable for our actions, and know better now.  It’s not so bad after all…that is to feel our feelings.  The new sensation and freedom of our heart’s center.  It can recapture the past.  When we finally come to terms with the past, we finally release that moment and channel ourselves to a new moment in time.  We put the past where it belongs, in the past.  We don’t live there anymore, and we haven’t lived there for quite a while.  We know better now, therefore, we’ll do better.

The new day and each day ahead encourages us that life’s possibilities are endless and full of surprises.  Our spirit will strengthen as we keep love and compassion around us knowing that now we’re free, we’re finally free.

Linda Hegedus,©

To Binge or Not to Binge

When you were obese, did you find yourself binging a lot? What was the trigger that made you want to binge?  Did you have a disagreement with someone that left you feeling off balance?  Was it an attack on your character that made you feel misunderstood?    Were you deliberately avoided and singled out as a target for others to take their best shots towards you in order to elevate their own beliefs?

Binging was a way of life for me during my 14 consistent years of obesity, and when I decided to delve into this place of subconscious self-destruction, I would eat anything and everything in sight of my conscious mind.  Burying the pain, disbelief, and sorrow that were too hard to bring to the surface.  It was a way of self-preservation and feeding the soul and body with love, comfort, and silence.  If only for a moment, the feelings were buried as the food kept coming until I felt safe once again.  On a deeper level, it was a way of saving ourselves from feeling anything. 

It was a way out and food was a way in.  The more I would binge, the better I felt.  Food was giving me peace and joy by entering my body to calm myself down, if only for a moment.  If I didn’t feel immediate relief from this ritual, I would continue to binge at another location, which would offer me a place to focus on my time with my habit and enjoying it in a private setting.  Most of us probably binged in private, where no one could see what we were doing.  It was a secret that only we knew about and food was not going to betray us in revealing this time we had together.  Our friend was there through it all.  We could always look forward and count the moments when we would be together for this event.

As a result, after we had awakened from our experience, we often had a hangover.  During our hangover, shame followed knowing we repeated our ritual with much regret afterwards.  We came down from our high and the feelings came back even worse than before since we didn’t deal with them at the moment when we had the chance.    The cycle continued, and the same result kept occurring.  Our weight numbers would escalate to new and greater heights, and our need to binge also escalated as well.  It took more food, more privacy, and more events to keep us stimulated by our ritual.  The never-ending self-destruction was at its peak.

Until one day we learned.  Once we became healthy, reborn, and aware, we were beginning to understand why we reacted this way.  I met a person who is eight years out on their journey, and had gained not only all of their weight back, but also became larger than before their initial surgery.  They told me that their old behaviors never left them, and each year after their weight-loss surgery, they slowly became the person they used to be by not having closure on what made them obese to begin with during their life.

As each day passed, they forgot about self-care, self-love, and self-preservation.  They forgot about making time to eat healthy, and committing to a workable exercise routine that would keep them on track.  They forgot the lessons they've learned while they were on the straight and narrow path of wellness. 

After my conversation with this person, it made me aware that we can all have this happen to us if we’re not conscience about our behavior towards negative encounters, our emotional triggers, and remaining accountable for our actions especially about our eating lifestyle.  Perhaps this conversation was a message to me that it can and does happen.  We have the choice to take our success, and lead others’ to continue as victors and not victims.  We have a choice of what we decide to eat and when we decide to exercise.  Every day we have the opportunity to remain fit.  What’s your decision today?  To give into your old habits, or has your new habits become a way of life for the rest of your life?  It’s up to us to decide.  Let’s remember where we were, and where we want to be.

Linda Hegedus, ©

 

Making A Difference

 

My life has significantly changed for the better!  I have reached my personal weight-loss goal!  Each day as I interact with others, who are struggling with their weight as well, I can offer hope, encouragement, and inspiration so they can find a place to begin their personal weight-loss journey.  When I lead by example on my food choices and vitamin intake, it can become contagious to those who need assistance in their daily food choices. I have become a mentor to them as I manage my stressors in a more effective and constructive manner, and not turn to food for the solution.

I've experienced firsthand the impact I've made in other's lives when I share my experiences, and give them the necessary enthusiasm to make wiser choices when it comes to their own food choices.  Many people I encounter eat fast food and drink a lot of soda on a daily basis.  These individuals never feel good physically, and have health issues as a result of their daily habits.  They are on the path of destruction not only physically, but mentally as well.  I remember never eating breakfast, lunch, or hydrating throughout the day, but coming home and consuming over 4000 calories until bedtime.  This pattern became a destructive habit, which I couldn't turn around on my own.  Now that I eat every two hours and hydrate all day long, other people around me are observing my food choices and also making wiser food choices as a result of my success.

I keep a picture posted on my refrigerator of my former self to remind me of what I can easily become if I don't remain disciplined and committed to my new lifestyle. I offer support and guidance to others, who ask me what they can eat during the day in order to feel better and become healthier.  There's so many people around me who make excuses and believe they are content with their food choices.  As I see them decline in their health due to their addiction to sugar and high-fat diets, I see their moods swing from one extreme to the other.  They are seeking a better way, but don't know where to begin.

I speak to others often about my trials and tribulations during the many years of my morbidly obese existence, and how my life was in a downward spiral.  Seeing is believing.  When I tell my stories of the struggles I've had physically and mentally with my weight, it often ignites a spark and gives people hope and enlightenment that they can begin to heal within and move into a better way of life for themselves.  I'm on a mission to reach out and assist as many people as I possibly can to motivate and inspire them to believe there's light at the end of the obesity tunnel.  There are second chances, and they no longer have to feel stuck anymore.

It's very rewarding to me to give of myself to others, who are seeking a healthier lifestyle.  I was given the gift of weight loss, and I'm giving back my time and experiences so I can make a difference to those who need assistance and support.  I have found my place in life and will remain there for years to come!

Be Well!

Linda Hegedus,©