The Good I Do Today Will Pay Off Tomorrow

 

There may be days when you ask yourself did I do enough today that was beneficial to my new lifestyle?  As some of you know who are maintaining your weight, it's often a challenge to attend events that accompany many food items and may defeat our daily routine.  When I was morbidly obese, I used to observe and then ask thin people what were they eating to be the size they were, and I often received many different answers.  For some thin people they ate whatever they wanted and never exercised.  That used to baffle me and I couldn't understand how and why this happened?  The obvious answer is that their genetic make up gave them a "free pass" but for many of these thin people, their health issues were not obvious by looking at their appearance.  One man had cholesterol issues and his numbers were well over 400.  So as the old cliché goes, looks can be deceiving.

Other people who were thin indicated that they had a glass of wine every day, and watched what they ate, and walked every day after dinner.  Then there were thin people who told me they would be obese if they didn't watch the amount of calories they were taking in on a daily basis, and exercise was essential to their maintenance program.  I now understand that I am a thin person, who has to watch my caloric intake, and I also have to monitor how much activity I'm doing on a daily basis.  I can very easily become obese again, but the difference is that this time I will not allow the scale to move upward where I cannot realistically get back to basics.  Maintenance is an on-going task that I don't take lightly.  One day you may eat a food item that is not beneficial, but if you get back on track immediately, you've succeeded in not allowing yourself to eat the same way tomorrow and the next day, etc.

That's progress and it's remaining honest with yourself.  We all know that if we turn back to our destructive habits, we will begin to destroy ourselves once again.  We must remain in check every day and monitor ourselves closely.  Making the decision to either give in to a moment of a short-term compulsion, or be pleased with ourselves knowing we cannot do this anymore and we'll only benefit by eating beneficial, healthy, and fat- burning foods, which will provide us with feeling good mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  We must save ourselves in the moment of temptation and instant gratification we may receive, but remorse will soon follow afterwards.  We've done this too many times in the past and it's never worked out to our advantage.

It's okay to say "no thank you" and it's okay to decline a night out that would be harmful to your health.  As a recovering addict, many relatives and friends of mine wanted to go out and eat, drink, and eat some more and drink some more as well.  I cannot entertain that way of life anymore.  I am strong enough to go out and have a sensible meal and perhaps a cup of coffee, or a tall glass of ice water with lemon, but if our relatives and friends find it frustrating and just downright bored with the idea you're not joining in, that's on them and not on you.  As I'm branching out and expanding my social circles, I'm achieving balance in my life.  Balance is essential for me to remain true and stay on track.  I love and care about my relatives and friends, but I also care about my well-being, and if I have to take care of my needs first, so be it.

I'm not saying that it's a selfish act of what I'm doing, but it's knowing my strengths and weaknesses that lead me in the right direction.  I'm satisfied with my decisions and comfortable enough with myself to enjoy my own company when I need time alone to do what I need to do in order to remain healthy.

Take care of yourself first, and you'll be happy you did!

Linda Hegedus

When Did You Wake Up?

I can recall a time when all that mattered was what I was going to eat that day.  It consumed my mind most of the time just thinking about my next meal, the anticipation and reward I felt at that time.  I knew on a subconscious level I was slowly destroying my body and accepted a life of defeat, hopelessness, and despair.  I had taken my life for granted and cheated death.  I was able to still walk pain free, drive, run errands, these tasks were doable.  Then as each year passed by and I continued to gain weight steadily, I thought if I didn't think about my body and my existence that it would just go away.  I stored every mirror in my home in the attic so I didn't have to see what I've done.

Fourteen years' later I had a wake-up call.  My body finally surrendered...broke down....pain, discomfort, unable to do a simple task for myself.....I woke up.  We had gone up to Maine that weekend and stayed at the Lake, and the full bath downstairs had a full-length mirror.  When I stepped out of the shower,  I couldn't help but see my body up close and personal.  Well, I stepped out of the shower, very carefully since one leg up made my body unstable, and the weight distribution was not evenly proportioned on my body.  When I looked at my body that I haven't seen in many years, I was shocked and saddened by what I had created for myself.  All of those years finally caught up with me by the debilitating pain and lack of overall motion, in addition to a morbidly, cellulite-filled, rash-ridden, person staring back at me.  I was too stunned to cry, and too numb to accept this reflection.  It was so much easier to hide than to face myself.

I thought to myself that if I do lose a lot of weight, my body is going to really become loose since I've apparently stretched my stomach out to the point of drooping over my pelvic area, and my breasts were hanging down and were very heavy to carry as well.  Every part of my body was stretched out and the cellulite was tremendous.  I looked away and from that day on I looked at myself for what I actually done by avoiding the reality of my demise.

I've been maintaining my goal weight for the past five years and play with six pounds depending on the types of food I'm eating that can cause water weight gain.  I can only maintain each day and strive to remain focused on keeping my personal goal in sight.  I've never remained at my goal weight for this amount of time, and I've finally become this close to the half-way mark.  I've made it to the five-year personal milestone.  My long-term goal is for every five years and remaining at my ideal weight, will be a milestone. Perhaps I'll take a trip far away to celebrate.  The longest time in my life that I was able to keep my weight off was going back 20 years ago, and I only lasted 1 year and 11 months.  I didn't quite make the two-year mark, but I am thinking right now, wow, five years.  Something must have changed within me to remain true to myself and this journey.

My skin surprisingly "bounced" back quite well, and I am very grateful since it was looking like there would be no way my skin wouldn't hang.  I worked on strength training a few days per week, in addition to doing an activity that would keep my body in good shape, and my mind occupied on other activities.  It's been working for many reasons.  As I slowly rewired my way of thinking about food, I've turned my attention inward and asked myself what do you want to do today that will give me joy?  I keep myself busy with activities that are physically demanding, but rewarding.  I love to soak in the natural Vitamin D and hydrate all day long.

Every small change you make in the project we'll call us....is a pathway to a different destination with a new beginning.  We look different, and feel different, and are moving towards a new life that we're able to accept because we've slowly walked away from our old beliefs about ourselves, and our old beliefs about food, and our old beliefs about self-destruction.  We answer the why's, and question the what's, and resolve our hearts to receiving love and joy.  We've given most of ourselves away, and there was nothing left for us.  We slowly made time for ourselves, to be with ourselves, and enjoy ourselves.  We have introduced the old with the new and they are coming together to make the best of both worlds.

When we finally find out why, we can tread carefully and not allow our old attitudes and old patterns to emerge.  In recognizing these occurrences is half of the battle.  We know what the cues are, and can deflect the urges, knowing what the true consequences will be.

We're free to do as we wish!

Linda Hegedus, ©

The Key

Many times in our lives, the stressors of life can seem unbearable.   We need to do what it takes to maintain a place of peace within our souls.  The people we're surrounded by that are negative, the workplace politics become chaotic, and the lies told about us others believe.  How much can we take before we feel we're going to break?  Food is no longer an option to turn to when feeling overwhelmed with the challenges we face.  For many of us, even though we are living our personal truth, it's not in sync with the majority who are on the opposite side of the fence.  Are we facing many emotional challenges at once?

Is this a test of our will?  Is this a test of our strength?  Is this a test of our overall well-being?  Will we pass this test and come out a much stronger and humbled person?  Are we being blocked from love and goodness?  How long will this test go on?  How many more opponents are we going to have to rise above and be kind to in return?  How many more times will our opposition try to bring us down to their level?  What shall we do?  Should we pretend to be unhappy to protect ourselves from further attacks of our spirit?  Should we face our fears and speak our truth?  Are we supposed to learn a valuable lesson?  Has this pattern happened over and over throughout our lives?  Do we attract people who don't have our best interest at heart, but are plotting and scheming to take us down?

How will we deal with jealously?  How do we deal with the angry people around us?  How do we deal with adversity?  How do we deal with pretentious people?  How do we know who has our back?  Everyone looks the same?  How do we break the pattern?  Will our belief system change?  Have we lost faith in our fellow man?

ABSOLUTELY NOT!  We will walk through the flames of emotional hell, and reach for the light.  The light will take us to a place of comfort, calmness, tranquility, love, grace, hope, and self-confidence.  When we seek a place of solitude, we can quietly meditate and speak softly to our inner-being.  Ask our questions out loud and patiently and quietly receive our answers.  There's no human being on the face of this Earth that can give us the answers we seek to find.  Our answers come from ourselves.  If we listen closely to what our hearts are telling us in the moment of our personal emotional crisis, we'll hear the answers loud and clear.  We think we don't know the answers, or don't want to hear the truth, but we are true to one person, and that is ourselves.  We cannot lie to ourselves, that would be denial.  We and we alone have the answers.  We and we alone can triumph and be victorious.  We and we alone can overcome anything.  Yes we can!  We have many emotional trials to go through in our lifetime, but we will survive.  We always do and always will!!!!

Look how far we've come from where we were!  We've learned how to accept what comes our way, and decide in that very moment what we'll tolerate and what we will not tolerate.  We hold the key to the door of our future.  With this key we will unlock the door, walk inside, and find a better place for us to be.  We got it!  We finally understand!  We have the life skills, and knowledge to succeed with our lives!  Be proud, be who you really are, and remain optimistic!  We deserve to be respected, we deserve happiness, we deserve love, we deserve goodness in our lives!  We deserve only the best!  We've given so much of ourselves to others with love, kindness, and respect, now it's time to receive.  Receive with a grateful and loving heart.  Love will always keep you strong, love conquers all.  Love and only love will keep us safe!  We are the masters of our destiny!

May Peace and Love Be With You!

 

Linda Hegedus©

The Addiction was Postponing the Inevitable

 

 

Whether we have a food, alcohol, or drug addiction, we tend to believe the illusion of the disease.  It can be quite confusing, but when we see our addiction for what it really is, we begin to understand why the deep-rooted destructive habits of ours got us into a lot of unnecessary painful and hurtful situations.  It's as if we imagined that this way of life was going to give us the necessary postponement of time not to change the way we are, but to "justify" our way of life as a means of coping and getting through life.

We are so grateful for having the chance to clean up our act, and made the decision to change our addictive behavior into a constructive and productive behavior that we will benefit from all the way around.  It's a win-win situation, and even though it's unknown territory, we're looking forward to changing our belief system, our attitudes and feelings about life and those who surround us in our lives.

We begin day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year.  We're climbing to greater heights of self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-love.  We are our own best friend.  We love ourselves enough to treat ourselves with kindness and compassion, and no matter what outer influences are out there to deter us from our loving soul, we will surpass this with courage, humility, and strength.

The hardest part of leaving our old comfortable mundane lives, is the fear of never being able to turn to our harmful addictions anymore.  The comfort we thought it gave us was just an illusion of happiness.  It was just an illusion of enjoyment, and it was just an illusion of life.

This journey brings sheer joy and freedom to our beings, but also lessons of discipline and a new-found faith and confidence that we can live a good, healthy, and wonderful life with reality and honesty becoming the answer that we often question ourselves with when making a decision to keep ourselves safe from harm.

We're finding our way out of the darkness, climbing out of the depths of despair and hopelessness, to a new and improved outlook that we will hold near and dear to our hearts.  A new light has been ignited within us, and as our light shines upon ourselves and others, the radiance and peace that comes upon us is completeness.

Linda Hegedus, ©

 

In My Mother's Arms

 

A love that has no measure,

Shelter from the harms.

I could live forever

In my mother’s arms.

 

Always understanding

Sharing all of her charms

I know my safe haven

It’s in my mother’s arms.

 

If I could say what she means to me

It would take a thousand years

She showed me all that I can be through laughter, love, and tears.

 

And eternally grateful I will be for the life and memories she’s given me I will forever be

In my mother’s arms.

 

Love you Mom,
 

Elaine

 

 

Setting Boundaries

 

Boundaries were never in my vocabulary.  The physical boundaries were always present by having my shield covering myself in a false sense of security in order to deal with others.  Once my shield disappeared, I began to feel "naked and revealed" for the first time.  It was time to get out of my comfort zone, and move forward into a new place.

As a morbidly obese person, I didn't express my feelings quite often, but instead kept them to myself, where they manifested inside my body and produced self-destructive behaviors.  Such as trance eating, binging, and self-soothing by self-medicating myself in order to feel good in the moment.  The moments began to become more frequent and it took more eating to satisfy my addiction.

Now I'm a thin person that walks the walk and talks the talk.  I am much more approachable, and not afraid to open up to others about how I feel.  There's no more hiding and keeping people at a distance.  I feel completely free and comfortable in my body and realize that it's okay to be open and honest.  These behaviors were under lock and key for so long, it's liberating to set new boundaries that for so long I set on myself to the point I was paralyzed with fear.

There was never anything to fear. In the place of acceptance, not only to myself, but also of others, is a peaceful and soul-satisfying place to be.  It's okay to be who you are, and move forward onto your self-improvement journey.  Quotes are very helpful when you need reflection and peace.  Quotes can give you comfort, inspiration, and motivation on your path, and the wisdom to continue on the path less traveled.

A new world awaits you and it's time to get on board!  The day is here and the time is now!  Go live your life and enjoy the journey!  Take your joy, confidence, and strength with you as your boundaries take on a new meaning.  Live! Enjoy! Love!

Be Well,

 

 

Linda Hegedus ©

With Every Challenge We Become the Person We're Meant to Be

Each day as I live in my new body, I must be held accountable for my actions towards food.  I have to continue to be mindful of my food choices and ask myself three questions: Is this food beneficial?  Does it contain sufficient protein?  Am I really hungry, or just want to eat?

When my journey began, I was losing at a rapid rate due to a high protein, complex carb, and exercise routine.  Now my goal weight has taken me to a stabilizing place, where I must remain in a maintain mode in order to not fall into old ways of thinking and being too much in a comfort zone that I'm not aware of the choices I have to make regarding my food intake.

I have to take in at least 1200 calories per day to maintain.  Every item of food that I choose to eat on that given day will have to be a wise choice, in order not to begin to gain weight like we're told that people fall into that trap.  I cannot imagine nor want to ever experience that feeling of a ball and chain weighing me down.  Taking those 200 additional pounds wherever I go and expecting to have a happy and productive life.

I get preoccupied with weighing myself in the a.m. and also in the p.m.  As a morbidly obese person, I avoided the scale at all costs, and never ever dared myself to step on it and have a reality check on my size.  Instead it was easier to avoid that part of my life, and not pay too much attention to the number that was escalating before my eyes.  Now I want to be held accountable for my weight and in order to stay in check, and know that I'm still abiding by the "bariatric eating" rules, I monitor very closely the scale and make note if there's any adjustment in my daily food intake I need to re-evaluate.

This is by far the biggest mountain to climb in my personal weight-loss journey because I've never learned how to remain in a much thinner body for too long.  I feel a bit uncertain, but confident that if I keep my judgment clear on my choices, and remain mindful on my daily habits, I will remain on this journey as a person who can stay on the path that is non-destructive to my well-being.

I know not every day I will make the right choice, but I will be determined and forgive myself if I decide to have a food that's not very beneficial, I will make up for those calories through an intense workout.  I have decided to choose a day in the week, where I can have a dessert.  But only one day.  The funny thing is that I cannot finish a small bowl of chili and beans with some cheese.  When I was served a dessert, I only took a few bites and I was satisfied.  I'm not indulging like I used to so that's progress.

Every day I'm having a better understanding about myself and taking my steps slowly towards a long-term way of life.

Linda Hegedus, ©